


She Knows

by Neveroutoftime



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Memory Loss, an ungodly amount of angst, follows the canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 12:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11714406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neveroutoftime/pseuds/Neveroutoftime
Summary: Rose and the Doctor return to the Powell Estate to visit Jackie only to find the Tyler's flat empty. All their furniture and belongings are gone, and an "EMPTY" notice has been placed outside the door surrounded by farewell cards. It doesn't take them long to learn that they've accidentally traveled a bit too far into the future, and now they know too much about what's going to happen to them. Realizing how little time they have left, the Doctor must decide whether or not to confront his feelings for her before he finally does erase their memories of that fateful day.





	She Knows

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for a while, then over the past few days I just sat down and wrote it. It's longer than I intended, but here she is in all her glory.

The morning it all began, Rose woke up with an enormous headache. The day before, she’d been incredibly sick, a sickness she’d only gotten because the Doctor hadn’t warned her in time not to drink the water in Barcelona. Apparently there was some sort of bacteria in it that only humans were conveniently allergic to. 

 

She hadn’t felt anything for several hours after drinking it, but once they’d gotten back to the Tardis after spending the day on the shores of one of the planet’s many continents, she’d instantly felt as though the room were spinning. The Doctor hadn’t hesitated to lead her into the med-bay where he’d treated her with a mysterious liquid, the name of which escaped her in her delirious state as she simply downed the portion of it he’d poured into a glass. 

 

Feeling a little better, Rose had stood, and immediately started to head to bed. She was nearly at her bedroom, when in her still incoherent state, she turned to the Doctor, and asked him to stay with her. After that, her memory was a bit of a blur, but she was fairly certain that no matter what his answer was, she’d fallen asleep seconds later. 

 

Judging by the first thing her eyes landed on when she woke up that morning, he’d said yes. Beside her was the still sleeping Doctor, a sight which brought a smile to her face as she observed how at peace he looked in his sleep. There wasn’t a trace of the troubles that she could always see plaguing him behind his eyes, just a picture of what she could almost describe as pure innocence. 

 

The Doctor shifted in his sleep, and it was at that moment that she realized his arm had been slung around her waist at some point in the night, and he was holding her closely to him. In all likelihood, it was an accident. The time lord would never be so bold as to actually attempt to hold her as they slept, but the realization still made her heart skip a beat. In all of their almost moments, and the times something had almost happened between them, this was quickly becoming her favorite. 

 

It almost made her forget the aching in her brain as she took in the sight of the sleeping Doctor. But all good things come to an end, and the serene moment was interrupted by another twinge of pain, causing her to groan. She quickly cut off the sound, but it was too late. By the time she’d silenced herself, the Doctor’s eyes had begun to flutter open. 

 

“Morning,” she told him, groaning again as she placed a hand on her forehead.

 

The time lord blinked a few more times, “Morning,” he replied, then concern grew in his eyes, “Are you all right?”

 

She nodded, “I’m fine, just got this bloody headache.”   
  


The Doctor laughed softly, “Sorry, that’s a common side effect of the medicine I gave you,” he said, then upon seeing her bitter expression, he added, “It wears off in a couple of hours.”

 

“Wish you would’ve warned me about that when you gave it to me.”

 

With a chuckle, the Doctor shrugged, “Well, it was either that or let you be violently ill to the point of death.”

 

She thought for a moment, “Yeah, I’d rather have the headache.”

 

The two sat there giggling for a moment, when suddenly the Doctor’s eyes fell on the arm he had wrapped around Rose’s waist. Clearing his throat, he removed the arm, and let it rest on his side, uttering a brief apology before he looked at her again. 

 

They both looked down awkwardly, unsure of what to say now that the moment between them had been broken. Every time it happened, a few seconds of silence followed as they both pondered where to go from there. Each time, the two of them made an unspoken choice. In moments like this one, they could either go back into each other’s arms, and say all the things they dared not speak, or they could change the subject entirely as though it hadn’t happened. 

 

That morning was no exception, and neither one of them was surprised when the Doctor began the conversation anew with, “So, where do you want to do today?”

 

Disappointed, but expecting the response entirely, Rose gave him the most whole hearted smile she could muster as she pondered what the hell she wanted to do. All of time and space was in front of her, but out of all of it, what did she want to see the most? She could see any planet, any galaxy, any century, but there was one that suddenly stuck out to her in between aching pains from her head, “Maybe it’s my headache, or maybe I’ve finally gone mad, but…”

 

“But?”

 

She hesitated, wondering if it was the right idea, then she shrugged, “I was hoping to visit my mum. It’s been a while, I haven’t seen her since we got back from the parallel world.”

 

“Ah, Powell Estate, 2006 then?” The Doctor asked, just this once not feeling up to even pretending to protest visiting Jackie Tyler. After all they’d been through together, and for all of Jackie’s personality traits he wasn’t exactly a fan of, she’d become family to him, just like Rose had. Even Mickey had been a part of their odd group before he’d chosen to stay behind in the parallel world. 

 

Rose cocked her head to the side, surprised that he didn’t protest in the slightest, causing the Doctor to raise a confused eyebrow, “What?” 

 

“Usually you groan when I mention my mum.”

 

“Yeah, I do, but she's also the only mother that's slapped me.”

 

“Well, if you'd driven us to the right year…”

 

The Doctor grimaced slightly, “Oh, all right I'll give you that one.”

 

Another chuckle was exchanged between the two, then the Doctor ran a hand through his already messy hair, ruffling it further. Rose took in a sharp breath, trying to remember what they'd been talking about before he'd driven them off course by talking about his one-time slap from her mother. “But why'd you agree without any sort of… protest or something?”

 

The time lord’s gleeful expression sobered as his eyes looked between hers, “Because I… I can tell you miss her, and believe it or not, she's grown on me.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Mmhmm!”

 

Rose stared at the Doctor, confused but not upset by his sudden change of heart. A smile grew on her face as she rolled away from him, and stood up off of the bed, “Let's go, then.”

 

Half an hour later Rose raced into the console room  to find the Doctor already landing the ship at what she presumed to be the Powell Estate in the year 2006. She was completely unaware of the lesson she was about to learn, of the heart break she'd soon face not ten minutes after she opened the blue box’s doors. 

 

The time lord beamed up at her as he offered his hand, and she returned the expression as she laced her fingers through his, and led him out of the Tardis to begin their most intense adventure yet. 

 

“So what’s the date, then?” Rose asked as she looked upon the only home she’d known her entire life. 

 

The Doctor reached out, and pushed open the door to the stairwell as they approached, holding it open for her as she passed, “The fourteenth of October, 2006,” he told her, “Not a particularly special day here on Earth.”

 

“Is it special somewhere else, then?”

 

“Oh, yes,” the time lord replied excitedly as they ascended the staircase, barely paying attention to the floor number as they passed floor after floor. It wasn’t until they came to a stop, and Rose tugged on his hand that he realized they’d nearly passed her floor. 

 

She laughed at him as she reached for the door that led to her corridor, noticing with a frown that it was gone. Upon further observation, the door wasn’t just gone, but it had been ripped off of its hinges, and was now nowhere to be seen. Scorch marks lined the door frame, and along the hallway more marks lined the walls. Several of her neighbors windows had been knocked out, many being temporarily replaced by wood or fabrics of various sorts. 

 

A frown grew on her features as she glanced up at the Doctor, wondering just what the hell had happened there. On his own face, a worried and almost fearful expression was prominent. There was no telling what he was thinking, but she was certain it couldn’t be good. 

 

She shook her head, and began walking down the hall toward her and Jackie’s flat, a sense of dread washing over her as she got closer. Something had been placed at the door, from far away she couldn’t tell what it was, but as she got closer, the objects in front of the Tylers’ flat revealed themselves to be a series of floral arrangements. Unable to resist any longer, she ran up to the flat, her sense of dread worsening with each step. Just what the hell had happened there?

 

Looking back at the Doctor briefly, she stared at the sheer number of flowers placed at the foot of the door in shock, wondering just what the hell had caused them to be dropped there. But that sight couldn’t prepare her for what she saw on the door itself. Front and center was an enormous, red paper reading a single, terrifying word, “EMPTY,” in all caps. Surrounding the notice were a series of drugstore greeting cards which all bore different text, but the overall message was the same, “We’ll miss you!”

 

With a gasp, Rose clasped a hand over her mouth, and stared up at the Doctor as he too took in the door. He was staring at it with the same level of shock and horror as she was, wondering just what the hell had happened to the Tyler family in six months. 

 

Before he could say anything, Rose reached into her pocket, and pulled out the flat key. She inserted it into the lock, and pushed the door open before the Doctor even opened his mouth to protest. She knew he would fight her on this, on finding out what happened to them in the future. Normally she wouldn’t have done it, but there was an alarming amount of evidence to the fact that either she, her mother, or both were dead in July of 2006, and there was something about that knowledge that was sending Rose’s mind reeling. 

 

“Rose don’t!” the Doctor cried, watching uselessly as she burst into the flat to find it almost completely empty. The only trace that anyone had lived there at all remained in the holes in the wall from the times they’d hung up framed pictures or the occasional accidents from Rose’s childhood. Other than that, the entire flat seemed to be empty. 

 

This fact was confirmed as she walked into their family room, expecting to at least find the Tyler’s sofa, or their television. It was confirmed again when she walked into her own bedroom to find that the only piece of evidence that it was ever hers was the pink adorning the walls. Again when she walked into the kitchen to find only their refrigerator remaining, its doors wide open to reveal its empty insides. Even with all of that, it didn’t hit her that this was truly real until she walked into her mother’s room, and like everywhere else, that too was empty. 

 

Head spinning, she leaned against a wall breathing harder than she ever had during one of their many runs together. She could feel the Doctor’s hands finding her arms, and he was saying something to her, but in her bewildered state she couldn’t make it out. It felt like he was speaking to her from the other side of an incredibly long tunnel, and she was only able to hear the echoes of what he said. 

 

All she could think of was what she’d just seen. It was nothing that told her absolutely everything. Within the next six months, she and her mother would die, and everything they were would be gone. There would be barely a trace of them left, depending on where their graves were. Or if they’d even had graves. She wondered if they died violently. Was it slow or quick? Was it painful? Did it have anything to do with the destruction they’d seen in the halls? 

 

“Rose!” the Doctor cried, the words he was saying to her suddenly becoming clear, “Rose!”

 

A lump rose in her throat that rendered her unable to speak. All she could do was let out a choked sob as her eyes finally met his, then she took in a series of deep breaths, blinking back tears as she spoke, “We’re dead.”

 

“Rose-”

 

“We’re both dead!”

 

“Rose-”

 

“What the hell happened here?”

 

The Doctor looked at her at a complete loss for words, and simply wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closely against him as if he would never let go. She shook in his embrace as she returned it, clutching at the back of his trench coat like it were her lifeline. For all she knew, it really was. 

 

Rose blinked back more tears as she held tightly onto the Doctor, hoping somehow he’d be able to explain what she’d seen, that somehow this was a dream. 

 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a dream. It was indeed reality. That much became clear to her as the Doctor pulled away just enough that she could see his face. “We need to leave,” he told her, “We’ve got to get out of here, and I’ve got to wipe both our memories. We’ve seen too much.”

 

“What?”

 

“We can’t know too much about our future, Rose,” he explained, “Remember why we couldn’t just get back in the Tardis after I accidentally drove us twelve months into the future?”

 

He was right. Rose knew he was right, but the pain she was still feeling so strongly was telling her to fight against him with everything she had. She couldn’t just walk away from this. It wasn’t something she was capable of doing, “No, Doctor, you’re wrong.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I just learned that six months from now, I’ll be dead, so will my mum.”

 

“You don’t know that you… you…”

 

“Doctor, I saw the cards and the flowers, and the bloody empty flat we’re standing in. I’m not stupid, it’s pretty clear to me that we’re going to die. And soon.”

 

It was clear by the look on his face that he knew this too, as much as he might have tried to deny it, he knew. It was fact. By the time they caught up with this future, Rose and her mother would be dead, and for all she knew, the Doctor could have died with them. 

 

“Doctor, this is the future, my future,” she told him slowly, breathing shakily as she ran a hand through her hair, a habit she’d picked up for him in the past several months as they’d grown closer and closer. 

 

He nodded, “I know, and that’s why we’ve got to leave,” he replied, holding out his hand, “Come with me, we’ll go back to the Tardis, and forget this happened.”

 

“Is that all you want to do?” she asked, “Knowing that I’m dead? That my  _ mum _ will be dead?” 

 

The hesitation in his eyes told her everything he wasn’t saying. He wanted to know what was happening as badly as she did, even if he wouldn’t say it. But there was something else in his eyes that made her aware that he was possibly even more upset with this development than she was; tears. They were small, but prominent as they threatened to spill out onto his cheeks, betraying his thoughts and feelings on the very delicate subject matter they were dealing with. 

 

“Rose, I… Knowing I’m going to lose you, it’s…” he blinked, causing a tear to spring loose from one of his eyes, streaking down his cheek until it fell off of his jaw onto the collar of his oxford, “It’s killing me, but…”

 

“But what?”

 

“I can’t mess with the timelines this way, Rose, it’ll create a paradox, and you remember what happened last time we created one.”

 

Of course she remembered. The sole tragic day she’d spent with her father before she’d held him outside of a church as he died. The day she’d nearly created a world ending paradox. She could only imagine the one created if she knew about her own death, if she knew what would happen to her in the end, the sort of steps she could take to put her off that path and create another paradox… It would be disastrous. 

 

They had to forget this had happened. They had to go back to the Tardis, and wake up together like the day’s events had never happened. They had to forget that they had so little time left together. It wouldn’t be a year before he’d lose her, and she’d lose him. It wasn’t fair, and they both knew it. 

 

But Rose couldn’t just let this go without knowing more. She wasn’t capable of leaving this behind so easily, “All right,” she breathed, “But before we go, I want to know everything. I need to know what happened, how we…”

 

The Doctor raised a concerned eyebrow, “Rose, are you sure?”

 

She nodded firmly, reaching out for his hand, and lacing their fingers together once more, “I’m sure. I can handle it, I promise. I’m going to forget it all anyway. What have I got to lose?”

 

Rose wasn’t sure what response she was expecting to her request. Perhaps a little more protesting, another inquiry as to whether or not she was certain she wanted to do this. She wasn’t expecting the way his arms wrapped tightly around her, and his lips pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her head as he held her close. 

 

Without hesitation she melted into the embrace, welcoming his sudden desire to be closer to her, even though she knew the precise, grim reason why. “I’m so sorry, Doctor,” she whispered softly, burying her face in the lapels of his jacket, “I didn’t want to leave you.”

 

He shook his head, and pulled away, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear as he did so, “Rose, I’ll be fine,” he promised her, though it was clear by the tremble in his voice that the statement was a lie, “Everyone leaves in the end. Some sooner than others.”

 

She choked back another sob, “I was gonna stay with you forever,” she told him, finally letting her own tears spill over onto her cheeks, “I really was, I was gonna do so much…”

 

The Doctor pulled her to him again, simply holding her as she cried into his chest, repeating apologies for what she would end up doing to him over and over again. She had wanted to stay forever, and her words sent shivers running up and down his spine. He barely resisted shaking as the realization truly hit. The time she had left in the universe she wanted to spend with him. They’d always known it would be short, that by the time she was old and gray, he’d still look young and healthy when she was in a state of decay. But now it was clear to them they wouldn’t even get  _ that _ much time. They had hardly any time at all. 

 

They stood there like that for a while, taking in all that had happened to them in just the past ten minutes. Neither of them said anything as Rose’s cries turned into silence, and they held each other in the sudden quiet. 

 

Eventually, Rose pulled away, and wiped the tears off of her cheeks, grimacing slightly at the black from the makeup she’d just smeared off of her face. She looked up at him sorrowfully, and sighed, “Let’s get going, then,” she said, “I need to know what happened to me before we forget, and I think you do to.”

 

The time lord gave her a nod, then he reached out his hand, and she took it before they walked slowly out of the flat, and closed the door behind them. They didn’t bother to lock it as they walked back down the corridor, down the stairs, and across the brief distance between the Powell Estate and the Tardis. 

 

The Doctor opened the ship’s doors without his usual flourish, holding it open for her before he headed straight for the monitor. She followed closely behind him, making sure to shut the ship’s doors as she went, then she joined him at the monitor as he pulled up the 2006 internet, and held his sonic to it. Thousands of web pages flashed onscreen in a blur as he did so, and a good two minutes went by before it finally stopped on a months old news article beating the headline, “ **THOUSANDS DEAD AT CANARY WHARF, MORE MISSING** .”

 

“Canary Wharf?” Rose asked.

 

The Doctor ignored her as his brows rose in curiosity, and he moved on to another article bearing similar bad news, “ **GHOSTS BECOME CYBERMEN, KILL THOUSANDS.** ” This particular article seemed to pique his interests, as he actually opened it up, and began to read it. 

 

“Oh, shit,” the Doctor breathed, running a hand through his hair, “Cybermen.”

 

“Like from the other universe?” she asked, looking over his shoulder to see a picture of a creature that had nearly torn apart the Earth on the parallel world they’d accidentally gone to. . 

 

The Doctor nodded, then he paled as he scrolled further down the page to reveal a picture of another familiar looking creature. The image of the Dalek sent chills down Rose’s spine as she remembered their last encounter with the horrid species, what she’d had to do to stop them, and what he’d had to do to save her. His sacrifice had been for nothing in the end, it seemed. She only had one year to live after that, and that leather clad man could’ve had hundreds. 

 

“Daleks and Cybermen,” she said slowly, “Both of them at the same time, no wonder…”

 

“Rose, it wasn’t necessarily one of them-”

 

“Doctor, I think it’s obvious what happened to me. Either the Cybermen or the Daleks, they got to me before you could.”

 

Saying nothing, the Doctor moved on to another web page, this one displaying the headline of, “ **CANARY WHARF MEMORIAL PROJECT APPROVED** ,” above an image of the heavily damaged building itself. He reached for the sonic screwdriver once again, and upon pressing one of its buttons, thousands more web pages passed by before he landed on another headline, “ **MEMORIAL OPENS TO PUBLIC** ,” that was dated a month from the date they’d landed. 

 

Rose sighed, and stepped between the Doctor and the monitor, just this once not caring how physically close it made them, “Doctor, there’s something we haven’t looked at yet.”

 

“What’s that then?” he asked, not taking a step back, but instead taking her face in his hands, and looking her in the eyes. 

 

The sudden contact brought to light the proximity between them, and under any other circumstance, Rose would’ve smiled at the touch, but not today. Not when she’d just learned that she was mere months away from her death. “My death,” she said, “Any reports confirming that I’m dead, that my  _ mum _ is… dead…”

 

He paused for a moment, “You want to know for certain.”

 

“Yeah, I do, ‘cause if there’s any chance that we’ve gotten this all wrong, that we can have some sort of forever, I want to know,” she smiled grimly at him, “We both know my time with you is limited, but I’d like it to be longer than six months.”

 

The Doctor leaned forward, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, “I’m sorry, Rose,” he said softly, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know,” she replied before she took his hands in hers, and slowly moved them off of her cheeks before stepping out of the way of the monitor. 

 

Immediately the Doctor set to work with the sonic. Thousands upon thousands of web pages flashed before their eyes before he stopped on another about the Powell Estate residents deaths. A list of names appeared before them as he scrolled further and further down the page, reading along the alphabetically ordered list until he reached the letter T with a nervous swallow. 

 

As they scrolled past the Ts, Rose’s hopes that maybe what they’d seen hadn’t been what it seemed began to rise. For a moment, it looked like maybe they’d been wrong. Maybe after they erased their memories, she and the Doctor did have a future after all. They’d go off in the Tardis, and they’d live a life together until she was old and gray and she died peacefully in her sleep. She wasn’t supposed to die in six months, it just couldn’t end that way. 

 

But the Doctor had to reach the end of the letter T eventually, and at the bottom of that part of the list were two names Rose hoped she wouldn’t read; hers and her mother’s. Her heart dropped in her chest, and more sobs threatened to erupt from her throat as she read them. The room felt like it was spinning, and this time it wasn’t because of the Doctor’s driving. 

 

She was brought out of her terrified thoughts rather quickly by the time lord as he ran both of his hands through his hair, and stepped back from the monitor, “This is all my fault,” he breathed, “If you hadn’t met me, you could live so much longer. Rose...”

 

Rose blinked at him a few times. Did he really think she regretted a moment of her time with him? Every single moment, the good times, the bad times, and every moment in between were moments she’d treasure until she took her inevitable dying breath. “Don’t talk like that,” she told him, reaching for his hand once more, and holding it close to her chest, “If you think I would take back any of it, you’re wrong. My life was going nowhere, and it was going nowhere fast until I met you. Doctor, you showed me a better life, and I’d rather live a short life with you than a long life of what I had before.”

 

The Doctor let out a shuddering breath as he took in her words, eyes never straying from hers the whole time, “Rose, are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, I am,” she replied warmly, blinking a single tear out of her eye as she spoke, then she looked down, and sighed, “We have to forget about this now, don’t we?”

 

They glanced back up at each other hesitantly, neither one wanting to do what they knew they had to do. Too much had happened. They’d learned too much about their future, and neither of them wanted to forget about it on the off chance that things could change. But they both knew they had to. The paradoxes were too much of a risk, and no one could know too much about their future. 

 

Nodding slowly, the Doctor replied, “Yeah, we do, but before I erase our memories,” he paused, looking suddenly uncertain before he shook slightly, as if he were clearing whatever doubts he had from his mind, “I may never get another chance to… To tell you… Well, frankly I’ve got six months and I’ve got  _ plenty _ of chances, but you know me, I’m thick. I don’t have a talent with words when I’m trying to say how I feel about things- about you in particular. Always walking around that, me. Avoiding it.”

 

“Avoiding what, Doctor?”

 

“Rose, you’re my best friend.”   
  


She sniffled, but smiled through the tears she could feel brimming in her eyes, “And you’re mine.”

 

The Doctor smiled briefly, “But… since I’m going to forget this anyway, I might as well tell you that you’ve been more than that to me for a long time,” he told her, “I don’t know when or how it started, but… I never told you because… I knew we had limited time together, and I wanted to spare myself the heartsbreak later on. Now…”

 

Rose’s heart was beating faster than it ever had in her entire life as he spoke, “Now?” she asked, encouraging him to keep speaking, because she was fairly certain that once they forgot this day, she’d never hear those words again. She needed to hear them now. 

 

“Now I know how much time we have left, and that scares the hell out of me,” he confessed, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand, “Now I need to tell you, because what’s worse than losing you, is losing you without letting you know what you mean to me first.”

 

The blonde standing before him reached up her free hand, and caressed his cheek, “I wish we had more time,” she whispered, “‘Cause I’ve wanted to tell you how I’ve felt about you for the longest time, too. I never told you because, well, it’s like you said, limited time, and it’d just be easier in the long run, but turns out it’s not very long after all.”

 

The Doctor looked at her sorrowfully, then he looked down at their joined hands. Taking a deep breath, he let go of hers, and reached up with both of his hands for her temples, “It’s time,” he breathed, “Are you ready?”

 

She nodded, letting more tears fall from her eyes, “Yeah, I’m ready.”

 

Tears of his own streaked down his cheeks silently as he closed the very short distance between them, and rested his fingers on her temples. 

 

Rose took a deep breath, and closed her eyes as she waited patiently for him to take her memories, but after a few seconds passed and nothing happened, she opened them again. 

 

The time lord shook his head, “There’s just one last thing before I do this,” he said, for the first time in his life appearing genuinely nervous as he spoke. 

 

“What?”

 

“Before I do this, I just want you to hear me say it,” he told her, his gaze firm, but warm and kind as he spoke, “Rose Tyler, I love you.”

 

A genuine smile appeared on Rose’s face as she looked up at him, “And I want  _ you _ to hear  _ me _ say it,” she replied, “I love you, too.”

 

The Doctor beamed at her, then he tilted his head slightly, and brought his lips to hers in a kiss that sent Rose’s head reeling. She was quick to respond, wrapping her arms around his waist as she pulled him closer to her, and continued to kiss him like it was the last time. For all she knew, it very likely was. 

 

Despite the lack of time they had, their kiss was slow, passionate, and full of all the things they could never put into words. The Doctor’s hands wandered down from Rose’s temples to her cheeks as he deepened the kiss, barely even noticing the tear he brushed aside in the process. 

 

They didn't stop until Rose felt the strong need to breathe, and she broke the kiss breathing heavily as soon as they parted. Even the Doctor was panting a little as they separated, but they stayed in their embrace, not wanting to let go of each other until they absolutely had to.

 

They looked deeply into one another’s eyes, both wondering if the other was thinking the same thing, that they needed to do that again. This time, Rose made the first move, bringing her lips back to his in another, more intense kiss. 

 

This second kiss held more desperation than the first. It was like there was no tomorrow for the Doctor and Rose as their lips met for a second time, and they held onto each other tightly. 

 

Without letting go of Rose, the Doctor stepped forward, encouraging Rose to move backward as they continued their kiss until she was against the console. She let go of him with one hand to make sure there weren't any important buttons or levers behind her, then she lowered herself onto it. The Doctor bent down slightly to keep up with her, but once she was still, they found their rhythm again as the best kiss that either of them had had in their lifetimes continued. 

 

She was so caught up in the kiss, she barely even noticed that the Doctor had moved two of his fingers onto each temple until she felt a sudden shift in her mind. A sense of comfort washed over her, taking away the feeling of pain that had been following her around since she'd seen the state of her flat minutes earlier. It occurred to her then what he was doing, but she didn't let it show outwardly that she knew aside from the way she gripped his trench coat a little tighter in her hands. 

 

The Doctor felt a new lump in his throat as he took Rose’s memories away, seeing the day through her eyes as they left her mind, and disappeared forever. He watched her wake up that morning, looking upon his sleeping face affectionately. He watched as she ran down the corridor toward her flat upon spotting the dozen or so floral arrangements placed at her door, he felt her horror at realizing what had happened to her and her mother. Images of Cybermen and Daleks flew past his eyes, and the image of himself appeared before her at the end of it, his hands on her temples as he stared into her eyes. He heard himself tell her he loved her, then she told him in return. The memories ended with his lips on hers as they kissed for a second time, then they went black as Rose’s consciousness began to fade. 

 

The Doctor brushed a thumb affectionately over her cheek as he pulled away from the kiss, watching solemnly as Rose’s eyes drifted shut, and she collapsed into his arms. He caught her instantly, supporting her back with one a while he reached around her legs with the other, lifting her up from the console bridal style, and gazing upon her sleeping face as he thought over what he was about to lose. 

 

Blinking back more tears, he sighed before he walked forward, and carried Rose back to her bedroom. He had to truly maintain the appearance that nothing had happened to them. That this day was nothing. No one except for the Tardis would know what happened to them, and she couldn't exactly tell him that the day’s events had occurred. 

 

He nudged the door open with his foot, then he walked the remaining steps to the bed, and set Rose down gently on her side of it. He looked down at her sorrowfully before he leaned down, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, ignoring the way his lips were still tingling from her kiss not two minutes earlier. If only he could do it again. Perhaps he could, he still had six months, and thick as he was, he wasn't sure how long he could resist kissing Rose Tyler again. Even without his memories of what transpired between them that day. 

 

Full of a mixture of regret and hope, the Doctor walked around to his side of the bed, and laid down beside his companion. He turned on his side to face her, looking over her one last time before he placed his hands to his temples, and he began to take his own memories. 

 

Once again the day’s events flashed before him, though this time they were more intense than they were when he was seeing Rose’s memories. Every thought, every feeling, every time his hearts broke swirled around his head like a hurricane as his memories left him one by one. As each memory left him, he felt as though a weight were being lifted off of his chest, though as time passed he wasn't sure why. 

 

Before he knew it, all of his memories of one of the most painful days of his life were gone, and he was slipping into unconsciousness himself. The time lord simply shifted so he was more comfortable, and sleepily slung an arm around Rose’s waist as he fell into sleep, peacefully unaware that any misfortune was to befall them in a mere six months. 

 

When Rose woke up this time, she wasn't in any sort of pain. In fact, her head had never felt clearer than it did in this moment. She felt as though the sickness she'd gotten in Barcelona had never happened, though there was still a slight aching in her muscles, and her eyes felt drier than they normally did after waking up. 

 

She was able to ignore the dryness pretty easily when her eyes landed on the image of the sleeping Doctor, causing a smile to part her lips as she looked on at the sleeping time lord. As she looked over his face, she noticed the faintest trace of what looked like tear tracks on his cheeks, and she frowned. Just what had caused him to cry? What had made him become so emotionally vulnerable that he'd actually let tears spring from his eyes in front of her, no less? 

 

Her memory of their evening after he'd treated her post-Barcelona was fuzzy at best, but she couldn't remember anything particularly emotionally damaging. Not on her end, at least. Though when she came to think of it, crying would've been the cause of her dry eyes, wouldn't it have?

 

The Doctor meanwhile shifted in his sleep, alerting Rose to the minimal space between them, and the arm he'd slung around her waist in the night. She was almost too busy worrying about what had distressed them to notice, but once she did, her heart raced. He presumably hadn't noticed what he was doing in his unconscious state, but the gesture still made Rose’s mind wander with hope. 

 

Eventually, that wishfulness faded when the Doctor’s eyes slowly opened, and immediately gazed upon his companion. He looked on at her curiously, noticing the tear trails that stained  _ her  _ cheeks, and the dryness in  _ his  _ eyes. A vague sense of dread entered his thoughts for a moment, but he pushed it away, not wanting to acknowledge the feeling he had that something was wrong. 

 

“Morning,” he told Rose, perfectly aware of the hand he had wrapped around her waist, but not wanting to say anything about it. He didn't want to break the moment too soon. 

 

“Wotcha,” she replied, looking up at him with slightly reddened eyes that confirmed to him that she had indeed been crying at some point in the night. 

 

“How long have you been awake?”

 

“Long enough to know you snore.”

 

“What?!”

 

She laughed, a musical sound that filled his hearts with joy, but still couldn't drown out the empty feeling of dread that had cemented itself in his gut, “No, I'm just teasing. You don't snore.”  

 

The Doctor sighed in mock relief, then he looked down at where his arm was wrapped around her waist, pausing awkwardly as he thought through what he wanted to do from there. In that moment, he could either ignore the fact that the contact had ever even happened, or he could leave his arm there, choose to let the almost moment be, and if he was feeling particularly bold, acknowledge their feelings. 

 

Timelines danced in front of his eyes with both options. If he left his hand there, there were endless possibilities. Infinite paths could be taken from there. Some left them in the constant state of wanting to be together, but never taking the leap, and others found them ending the moment by finally saying everything they'd never said. 

 

But if the Doctor removed his hand, there was nothing. All there was was a suspicious blank space, an enormous silent blackness stretched out before him. The possibilities were null and void.  He was fairly certain he knew what this meant, but he didn't dare acknowledge it. The sense of dread it gave him was too great, too intense. 

 

Looking back up at Rose, he gave her a shy grin, “So, where are we going today?” He asked. 

 

She raised her eyebrows, “You're letting me pick this time?”

 

He nodded, “Yeah, figured I got to pick the last time, and well, it didn't end well.”

 

They laughed for a moment, then Rose’s eyes drifted down, staring at the arm he had wrapped around her waist as the corners of her mouth turned upward, “I think I've still got a headache,” she told him, “I want to stay here, if you don't mind.”

 

He didn't. His own smile beamed wider at her words, and he nodded, “Sounds brilliant,” he replied, just barely resisting the urge to that arm he had around her to pull her even closer and kiss her like she'd never been kissed before. 

 

Resisting the urge, he simply held her close, watching as she closed her eyes, and gently wrapped her arm around his waist. The gesture made his breath hitch, but he didn't say anything as he took one last look at his companion’s face, and closed his eyes, just this once willing to bask in the moment. 

 

For the moment, everything was perfect. Without their memories of the day they'd learned their future, life went on as normal. Their almost moments remained almost moments save the one time they'd actually let themselves stay in bed together. Despite having forgotten, the day they’d originally had stayed with them in their subconsciouses, influencing the way they lived their lives until they were finally separated at Canary Wharf, but it had never been more prominent than it was when they visited Krop Tor, and the beast foretold their future.

 

When it told them she would die in battle “so very soon,” the image of a tall building flashed before Rose’s mind, followed by her name on a long list of others, a list of dead. She would never tell the Doctor what she'd seen, but she carried it with her until her fingers slipped from a lever months later. 

 

The Doctor felt it the most when he was descending into the pit, removing his safety gear as he prepared to fall the remaining distance to the bottom. He was saying his final goodbye to Ida, and knowing he may never see Rose again, he knew he at least had to leave behind a message. He had to let her know how he felt about her. 

 

“If you talk to Rose,” he was telling Ida as he undid one of the last straps, “Tell her… tell her…” suddenly he felt ridiculous sending the message to Ida as a sense of de ja vu washed over him. He'd done it before. He'd told Rose he loved her once, he was certain. She knew how he felt. She knew what he wanted to tell her. She knew it well. 

 

“Oh, she knows.”


End file.
